Thursday, January 31, 2008
Yar I'm seriously bored lah. I can't sleep. The earlies time I sleep nowadays is about 3am.. -.- My mum has given me a deadline to find a job.. By the end of next friday.. 0uhhmaiigawddxzxz...
Okay so I just came back from Macdonalds after meetin Siwei there for 'supper'. Ya getting fatter as every day passes. I was like, supposed to accompany him to mug though I don't really understand what he's studying anyway. Brought my PSP along to kill the boredom but instead, spread the PSP MADNESS to him and ended up distracting him.. zz.
So besides playing PSP, also got chat with him about current stuff lah. Also chatted about the good old secondary school days. Hais. I don't know why. After I graduated from my sec sch, I felt very happy because I was free from that horrendous hell of a school.
But come to think of it now from my lonely point of view, those times were indeed the best I have spent throughout my whole life. I remembered the times when me and cheese and raisin would pon lessons and sit at the bench chatting away.. Muahaha while spying on our classmates being tortured by the teachers..
I also remember playing soccer everyday after school with those people from 4F.. Man those were the times. Now everyone has gone their separate ways and it's like I'm all alone. Maybe this is fate for me. Fate has it that I should spend the rest of my life with few friends.
Or maybe fate determines that I'll only find true friends in the army or in poly. I hope I will, someday. :D
I just read my previous blog, of which I have forgotten the password. http://in-a-dilemma.blogspot.com
PLEASE. PLEASE DO NOT TAG AT THAT BLOG. IT IS OFICIALLY DEAD. After reading through some posts, I kinda think I am quite naive. To describe my 2nd love experience as true love. Focusing my all and all on her and only her. What in the world happened to my family. In what position were they in my heart at that point of time?
Fuck it man. If I had known, I'd stay away from love till I get into SP in a few months time. I HOPE PLSPLSPLS LEMME GET IN T_T. lol
I really wanna delete off that blog. Brings back many unhappy and woeful memories..
Labels: I has a need for fwenz.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Okayyyy, my mum has been like nagging at me everyday to get a job. I can't stand her nagging any longer! >:[
I don't want to stay at home, neither do I want to work. I've already worked for 5 months last year. And it was seriously tiring and boring. -.- Leading a lonely life is indeed very sickening. Really. I once said that I wanted to go fishing everyday since the start of January. But look at me, too lazy to even get my ass out of the house. I just need friends... Nobody to call out when I feel like going out.. Hais, you know. That loneliness, it kills..
I need to exercise more too.. I'm feeling super unfit. I crack my fingers and toes like every few minutes cos of the stiffness.. Damn, am I getting old? o_o I wanna go jogging and train my arm muscles but I am lazy :D I tell myself not to be lazy but..... D:
OKAYYY START TRAINING FOR NS.. ELSE IF I FAIL TO GET INTO POLY(10% chance fail) I R NEED TO KENA TORTURE WITH MY WEAK PHYSIQUE. _|_
Labels: eff
Monday, January 28, 2008
My neighbourhood friend, XD(for short), has gone to Australia to further his studies. We met in oct 2006, through a game of soccer. Ever since, we have been quite close, playing soccer together regularly. Though we are not that close like that of best friends, we still have lengthy chats about our lives so far. Chat about studies, soccer, girls.. blah blah.. Can say like we chat about almost everything.
He has departed for Australia yesterday, and come to think of it, for the next two years, nobody will play soccer with me. ): Nobody will come to my house and watch the EPL matches with me. ): He's quite a funny guy, except that he doesn't know he can be VERY lame at times.
Bye bye xing dong, good luck in your studies and getting your ang moh hot chick.
Anyway, my mom has been nagging me to get a job soon, but I'm very lazy to do so. I don't wanna kena another tongue lashing by my mom's church friend again.. But afterall it's my life, I do whatever I want. Furthermore, I'm just a student. I work is not to support my family, different case. Now work, and next time work is different. Some people just don't get this logic. Hais.
Lucky I had a nice long sleep last night, cos I can feel that my eyes were seriously very tired.. I dreamt of something, quite scary. Dream until 1pm then wake up. Lol. So sian, everyday is like so routine. 1pm, wakeup. Use comp till 12am, then go play PSP till 2-3am then sleep. Boring life I have. -.-
Anyway guys, do check out this cool link. Petition to stop animal cruelty. Have a heart and sign the petition today!
http://smouch.net/lolLabels: XD NOOOOOB
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Bloody hell. Of all times, I had to go to church early today. Had to wake up at 7AM. My eyes are like so bloodshot from the lack of sleep for the last few days.
So I went to church today, with a heavy heart.. Then after the boring service, one of my mum's friends talked to me. He asked me what am I doing now. I replied in a very honest tone, "nothing".
Then he started scolding me or something. Tell me cannot lazy. In this world only you can help yourself, nobody will help you.. You see, I in this church so long already nobody ever helped me since day one..
Ya right.. If you say that, then why are you helping me by knocking 'sense' into me. _|_ go die la.
Labels: Angry girl.
Aww, played soccer barefooted with my lil brother just now. Aimed the ball with the wrong part of my toe, and my 2 month old toenail bended. I still can see the white line on where it folded. ._.
Really painful. I need to get a job soon. I'm done submitting my application through the fucking DAE. And it's like2 more months till poly starts. I can't be sitting home everyday staring at the screen right?
Need to get money to buy clothes for poly too. I'm never gonna heave a sigh of relief till I get into the course I want.
Labels: Kena pwn in Audi. ]:
Friday, January 25, 2008
I'm like a kid with no life at the moment. Everyday stay home, forum, audition. Need to start reviving my lost passion for fishing and soccer man. Knn, I like no mood to do anything like that. Laziness is so hard to conquer, just like how hard it is to win CERTAIN people in Audition.
Meh, I've been training my Audition skillz real hard and I've started noticing some slight improvement. I can chance at lvl 8 of a 84bpm song! Amazing!
Today is the 26 of Januray, saturday. I'm left with 2 days to get the freaking admission thingy done. So worried lah, walao. I wanted to apply through JAE just now, then I discovered I can't apply back into the institute I dropped out from. Poly dropout cannot apply back poly. Only JC or ITE. KNN. _|_
So bo bian, have to apply through DAE. SUCKS. My chances are like lessened. And the risks of me not getting in are like quite high. The girl whom I spoke to at the open house calculated that I would have an 80% chance of getting into the course of my choice. But her words of course cannot be taken for granted lah.
If really cannot get in ah, die liao. No face go around see people. Prepare to enlist for NS. Botak head, plus torturous training, or so I heard. I'm so skinny, I can't tahan the vigorous and harsh training. Recently some good samaritan added me in msn and enlightened me about private courses. o_o Seemed quite good.
But I'd still prefer poly. And what's up with the hearsay about the SP's biz canteen full of chio bu's? -.- Been hearing my fishing kaki's telling me that.
Alright, gotta get some sleep. Awaiting to another boring day!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
16 of September, 2007. Passing on of my dearest dad.
The day before, we went fishing at a commercial pond at Pasir Ris Farmway 1. We caught 6 fishes. Golden promfrets to be exact. It was thrilling, catching 6 in an hour. But I knew something was wrong when my dad complained of breathlessness.
We had a fun time, but I never expected him to disappear from the face of earth the very next day. We went to church on that fateful sunday as usual, and my dad sent us to our ahma house after church had ended. He seldom comes to our ahma house because he often feels left out, or that's what I think it is. ._.
So he drove home after dropping us off. At that point of time, he still seemed perfectly normal. Reminds me of MC king lol. He would go home and relax after church every sunday. Most of the times he would be alone at home till my mum, siblings and I reach home from my ahma's house. It didn't dawn upon me that he would have a sudden heart attack. Furthermore, noone was at home to aid him when he was struggling.
My maid was out for an interview, and by the time she came back, my dad was already lifeless for a few hours. Body turned purplish blue, lying in an awkward position. My neighbour helped out a bit too. We received a call which really shocked us. We could not hold back our tears in the taxi on our journey back.
I was really scared, scared to face reality. I kept hoping, hoping that daddy's gonna be alright. I trusted the darn paramedics. But all was too late, he was pronounced dead. I cried a sorrowful cry. Never have I cried that much before. And it didn't help much when after I stopped, my dad's mum kept crying out. Seeing how much she had been hurt, made me even sadder.
The next few days were spent settling his funeral. I had never seen my mum that helpless before. I wish I could help. But I do not know how to. I can only help to take care of my siblings at this point of time. My dad's wake received quite a lot of visitors, and their donations. Passer bys often gave curious stares. Like it will kill them not to know who recently passed away. Bunch of fuckers. During the memorial service, many of my dad's friends turned up and gave testimonials of how he had touched their lives. I then realised how great a man my dad was. I aspire to be like him, but not in the religious aspect.
So on the last day, he had to be cremated. The saddest part was when I saw the coffin going into the furnace. My grandma kept calling out my dad's name, and crying at the same time. My uncle(dad's brother) kept shouting out goodbye, I'll miss you. In my heart, I just kept saying " I love you, Daddy ". And tears were flowing down my cheeks at that point of time. Now, I can only point out a few of my dad's friends who are true friends. They have not only shown love and concern towards my dad, but also to my family. For that, I am very touched.
For now, I don't need any sympathy from anyone. Save your sympathy for yourselves. Sympathy ain't gonna help anyway. Now, I'm currently slacking at home everyday. Been wanting to visit my dad's niche at Kovan but very lazy to do so. After CNY when I get hong bao money, I'll use the money to buy some miniature toys/replicas of what my dad likes. Fishing, soccer, guitar.. etc.
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I joined PPF forums on 2 Nov with the user Paradoxic. I met many friends in that forum and am very grateful for that. It has helped me pass my time at work duing the months of November and December. I have since quitted work and while my time away at home everyday. I'm so gonna get into SP. I have to, if I don't, suicide is the only way out.
Labels: Tears of apology
