16 of September, 2007. Passing on of my dearest dad.
The day before, we went fishing at a commercial pond at Pasir Ris Farmway 1. We caught 6 fishes. Golden promfrets to be exact. It was thrilling, catching 6 in an hour. But I knew something was wrong when my dad complained of breathlessness.
We had a fun time, but I never expected him to disappear from the face of earth the very next day. We went to church on that fateful sunday as usual, and my dad sent us to our ahma house after church had ended. He seldom comes to our ahma house because he often feels left out, or that's what I think it is. ._.
So he drove home after dropping us off. At that point of time, he still seemed perfectly normal. Reminds me of MC king lol. He would go home and relax after church every sunday. Most of the times he would be alone at home till my mum, siblings and I reach home from my ahma's house. It didn't dawn upon me that he would have a sudden heart attack. Furthermore, noone was at home to aid him when he was struggling.
My maid was out for an interview, and by the time she came back, my dad was already lifeless for a few hours. Body turned purplish blue, lying in an awkward position. My neighbour helped out a bit too. We received a call which really shocked us. We could not hold back our tears in the taxi on our journey back.
I was really scared, scared to face reality. I kept hoping, hoping that daddy's gonna be alright. I trusted the darn paramedics. But all was too late, he was pronounced dead. I cried a sorrowful cry. Never have I cried that much before. And it didn't help much when after I stopped, my dad's mum kept crying out. Seeing how much she had been hurt, made me even sadder.
The next few days were spent settling his funeral. I had never seen my mum that helpless before. I wish I could help. But I do not know how to. I can only help to take care of my siblings at this point of time. My dad's wake received quite a lot of visitors, and their donations. Passer bys often gave curious stares. Like it will kill them not to know who recently passed away. Bunch of fuckers. During the memorial service, many of my dad's friends turned up and gave testimonials of how he had touched their lives. I then realised how great a man my dad was. I aspire to be like him, but not in the religious aspect.
So on the last day, he had to be cremated. The saddest part was when I saw the coffin going into the furnace. My grandma kept calling out my dad's name, and crying at the same time. My uncle(dad's brother) kept shouting out goodbye, I'll miss you. In my heart, I just kept saying " I love you, Daddy ". And tears were flowing down my cheeks at that point of time. Now, I can only point out a few of my dad's friends who are true friends. They have not only shown love and concern towards my dad, but also to my family. For that, I am very touched.
For now, I don't need any sympathy from anyone. Save your sympathy for yourselves. Sympathy ain't gonna help anyway. Now, I'm currently slacking at home everyday. Been wanting to visit my dad's niche at Kovan but very lazy to do so. After CNY when I get hong bao money, I'll use the money to buy some miniature toys/replicas of what my dad likes. Fishing, soccer, guitar.. etc.
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I joined PPF forums on 2 Nov with the user Paradoxic. I met many friends in that forum and am very grateful for that. It has helped me pass my time at work duing the months of November and December. I have since quitted work and while my time away at home everyday. I'm so gonna get into SP. I have to, if I don't, suicide is the only way out.
Labels: Tears of apology
